If Kingsman: The Secret Service was a perfectly tailored Savile Row suit—sharp, subversive, and surprisingly elegant—then Kingsman: The Golden Circle is a brightly colored, off-the-rack Halloween costume of that same suit. It has all the recognizable parts: the umbrella, the tailored violence, the winking vulgarity. But the fit is off, the stitching is loose, and somewhere between the exploding heads and the robot dogs, director Matthew Vaughn forgot what made the original so much fun.

Rating: ★★½ (out of 5)

5/10. Watch it for the action scenes on YouTube; skip the 141-minute runtime.

If you loved the first film’s hyper-violent, anarchic spirit, you’ll find scattered moments to enjoy—especially Pedro Pascal. But come prepared for a messy, overstuffed hangover. The original Kingsman was a surprise martini: dry, shaken, and potent. The Golden Circle is that same martini, but someone added Red Bull, glitter, and a cheap plastic sword.