Almost every couple who sits on my couch says the same thing: “We just want to be happy.” I nod, but inside I cringe. Because happiness is an emotion, and emotions are weather systems—they blow in and out. No marriage can sustain constant happiness. The goal is not happiness. The goal is connection through the storm .
After two decades of listening to the worst of what humans can do to each other—betrayal, contempt, stonewalling, cruelty—I still believe. Not in fairy tales. Not in soulmates. I believe in the radical, unglamorous act of staying and repairing. I believe in two people who have seen each other vomit from chemotherapy, fail at careers, lose parents, lose tempers, lose their minds—and still turn toward each other in the dark. confessions of a marriage counselor
When a client confesses an affair, the betrayed partner always asks the same question: “How could you?” And the unfaithful partner always struggles to answer. But I have seen the slow-motion car crash enough times to know the truth. Affairs rarely start with a stolen kiss. They start with a stolen glance—not at another person, but away from your spouse. Almost every couple who sits on my couch